The other morning I slid into a cracked-vinyl booth at our local greasy spoon for the monthly reunion with two lifelong friends. Tim beamed, still glowing from gallivanting with his family through Ireland, buddy-tripping to an English football match, and already golfing at levels on par with the PGA Tour—somehow, despite it only being spring in chilly Wisconsin. Meanwhile, I was fresh off an adults-only Belize birthday bash for my mom’s 70th, only a month after family spring break in Baja, with a Sedona meditation retreat on deck. Both of us were rested, energized, grateful.

Then there was Nate. Instead of getting his workout in, he had spent his morning barking at his boys because their stuff was scattered all over the house. So his wife kindly kicked him out of the house early. But this incident was just the tip of an iceberg of exhaustion. Beneath the surface? An understaffed team at work. His dad’s death six months ago. Struggles supporting his mom. “By the way,” he added, “It’s the year-anniversary of my brother-in-law’s death.” Nate was carrying a lot. No wonder he was feeling more scrambled than the eggs on his plate. Rest was a stranger.

“It’s the Nate Show today,” Tim declared. And so for the next hour, over breakfast and bottomless coffees, we all shared about family and work and life, but tried to pour out a little extra love for Nate.

The diner booth that day felt like a microcosm of life. Sometimes you’re refreshed like Tim or Ben. But sometimes you’re Nate, buried by demands with rest seemingly nowhere to be found. The eventual cost of the latter is no secret. The body keeps the score and you burn out. Your relationships pay the tax. And your identity shrivels into the smallest, distorted version of who you really are.

When life is overflowing with demands―single parenting, job loss, health issues, financial stress―rest feels elusive, inaccessible, impossible. But here’s what we need to remember: rest doesn’t require a lengthy retreat or hopping on a plane to eat, pray, love our way around the world. Rest can be encountered in everyday life. And it starts with resetting our relationship with rest. 

rest doesn’t require a lengthy retreat or hopping on a plane to eat, pray, love our way around the world.

Here are three ways to reset your relationship with rest:

1. Micro-dosing solitude

Solitude is intentional aloneness to reconnect with yourself and recharge for the activity of life. It is a potent, foundational rest practice. But it doesn’t just come in big gulps. Solitude also brings restoration in the smallest moments. Micro-dosing solitude is about ingesting little hits of stillness. Ninety seconds of slow breathing in your car in the school pickup line. Staring at the tree outside your window for three minutes between Zoom calls. One song, headphones in, eyes closed, heart open. Repeatedly taking tiny doses of rest leads to a big after-glow. No substances required!

2. Subtraction

You can’t squeeze rest into an already stuffed suitcase. We resist the opportunity to rest when we think it begins with addition. But rest starts with subtraction. Take an inventory of your life: Overflowing social calendar? Binge-scrolling “just to relax”? Hobbies that feel like second jobs? Overconsumption of food or alcohol? Release one thing. Marie-Kondo your commitments until what’s left actually sparks rest.

A tech-Sabbath is one of the most powerful subtraction practices: going screenless for a set amount of time, maybe even an entire 24 hours! The first hours feel like withdrawal, but by the end you remember what your own thoughts sound like.

3. Grace

If you are a card-carrying striver like me, the default mode is to attempt to achieve rest by creating a checklist, downloading a productivity app, or tracking your heart rate, sleep levels, and meditation minutes. Spoiler: you can’t white-knuckle your way to tranquility. Grace invites a different economy—one where you are already enough, already held, already loved. Downshift from performance to presence. Approach solitude like a child flopping into a loving parent’s lap. Practically, this might mean unfollowing the influencer whose “5 a.m. cold-plunge and journaling routine” makes you feel like a lazy sloth. Remember, rest isn’t a self-improvement project. It’s about loving and caring for yourself exactly as you are.

If you are a card-carrying striver like me, the default mode is to attempt to achieve rest

Whether you find yourself in a spacious season or in the pressure cooker like my friend, assess your relationship with rest. It might just be time for a reset, opening the way for you to access rest through microdosing, subtraction, and grace. Don’t wait! Because rest isn’t just the way through your overwhelm. It also sends ripples of peace into the overwhelmed world around you.