Not all friendships are made of the same stuff. Some are organized, crisp, planned and clean, some require more energy to reconnect and find our footing. Then there are some that feel undone, soft, open and imperfect. In my experience, it’s those messy and soft friendships that feel the most like rest for my soul.

Friendships that offer rest don't demand stories with tidy endings or regularly scheduled progress updates framed like LinkedIn posts. They make space for the unfinished, unsure nature of things and the 'I'm-barely-holding-it-togetherness' that is often the most honest and real. You aren't required to be anything, you just get to be.

In midlife, we often see more clearly the difference between friendships of function and friendships of soul.

In midlife, we often see more clearly the difference between friendships of function and friendships of soul. Functional friendships serve a purpose — the school pickup buddy, the work colleague who makes meetings bearable, the neighbour who waters your plants. They're valuable connections that help us navigate daily life.

Then there are the soul friendships. They're the people where we can let it all out, and exhale completely. The moment we see them, we could burst into fits of laughter or tears, and both would be equally welcome. They don't need boxes to check, constant tending or perfect circumstances. They exist in that rare space where pretense dissolves  and we're truly seen.

Friendships of rest may not need constant tending but they’re also not passive.

Friendships of rest may not need constant tending but they’re also not passive. They are active with their loyalty, their space-giving, their long-listening and deep-loving. They hold us loosely yet safely as we wander around and back to ourselves. In a culture that celebrates productivity and function first, relationships that feel like rest may not get their due credit. But make no mistake - they are precious and essential. They regulate our systems, soften our hard and jagged edges and are there, unflinching and nonjudgmental, when we’re feeling alone or hard to love.

So, if you do have a friendship or friendships that feel like rest, cherish it. Recognize how precious and essential it is. And when someone arrives at your door undone, soft, open and imperfect - open it wide and offer a place to rest.